Female autoeroticism is underrated

Have you seen one of these? (It’s those shower hoses that are part of the bath/shower combinations, usually it has a head but you can screw that off) (This is targeted at women)


If you associate this with showering, you’ve been living life wrong. This hosepipe thing is the greatest gift to women since… okay it’s the greatest gift EVER. I had read about it in some book but never really thought more about it.

Until, one day I was lying in the bath and the hosepipe thing caught my attention. I decided to give it a try. So you take it down town. Don’t put it up any holes or anything. Turn the tap until the pressure of the water is at its highest (temperature is key, the water must be warm). Make sure the bath isn’t too full or you’re gonna have a bad time because once the hosepipe thing does what it’s supposed to, there’s gonna be a lot of splashing.

Okay, so we want to be getting the most pressure and the perfect temperature. Now the hosepipe thing is down there, you need to focus the stream of water on your clit. It’s a lot harder than it sounds and I understand why so many women haven’t orgasmed and I understand those jokes about sexual partners not knowing where the clit is. If you haven’t played with yourself and you’re not too sure where it is, here you go: (There might be a hood-like piece of skin covering it, you’ll just have to work it all out)


You might need to do some searching to get familiar with yourself.

When you’ve found it, focus the stream of water on it. At first, it will be so intense you will want to stop. Don’t. All your muscles will tense up and you will feel as if you’re floating. Hold it there until you orgasm and you will love yourself as much as you possibly can.

This scenario is the best one there is: it’s clean, there’s minimal chance of someone walking in on you and it’s the best physical feeling in the entire world


“I love being dominated in bed”

So I say I like being dominated in bed. I like when he takes charge and shows he’s superiority. When he moves me to where he wants me and moves my limbs the way he wants them. It feels sexy and I think I like it because it’s different and he gets to feel manly.

Most of the time this isn’t the real reason.

The real reason I let him take control and dominate the bedroom is because I’m tired, feeling unimaginative and lazy as fuck. I don’t want to think of what position to choose or where to put my hands.

The “domination” phenomenon is fantastic because he can feel like a king while I sit there enjoying it.

In essence, being dominated is easy.

Photoshop aside, I can make my body look fantastic

Here’s the thing, my body is average. Average sized boobs, a decent sized ass and everything else is supremely average. I have cellulite on my thighs and my ass, duh.


When I took nasty pics for my boyfriend, I only took them in certain lights and I made sure my face wasn’t really showing. This was so that he couldn’t see the silly expressions made while trying to get my body at the picture-ready angle and so that he couldn’t get revenge on me if we broke up. My point is that I can make my body look like that of a model. No cellulite, thinner thighs, bigger boobs.

The science of taking hot pics isn’t too intense, just don’t be surprised if she looks like a goddess on your phone and a bit of a hippo when you take her clothes off. Don’t stress though, the more insecure she is, the higher the chances are of her being good in the sack.


P.s- Not my photo.

Man buns and beards- not all that it’s hyped up to be

Man buns. Mmm. The in thing. The sexy thing. It’s definitely the thing that’s trending.

Here’s the real thing though- as sexy as it looks when it’s tied up, it’s got to come down at some time. The time it comes down will most likely be in the shower. So he showers and then steps out of the shower. Obviously he looks hot as fuck and you’re already soaking your panties just seeing him.

Then you start getting it on and that’s when shit gets bad.

That long, wet hair is the biggest turn off other than that short pubic hair he has growing 2 days after he attempted to clean up his downstairs for you. You know the prickly, invasive length? It doesn’t last long so you can get over it easily enough.

You start kissing and this strand of hair just comes between you two and it starts dripping on you and for a moment it feels like you’ve just washed your dog and it’s decided to shake and get water all over you. Then he insists on being on top so it feels like you’re being splashed and the entire moment loses its intimacy, but you can’t tell him this. I wanted him to grow his hair and it looks so good and makes me want to fuck him but the long hair is a turn off when it comes to the actual fucking.

And then there’s that god awful beard. Yeah obviously it’s also what makes him totally fuckable but it starts to feel like you’re making out with Velcro. It’s prickly and the prickliness doesn’t go away.

In short, what makes you want them in the sack actually sucks when you get to the sack.

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